“Radically accept” – Am I ready for this?

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The term “radical acceptance” is a concept that can be easily understood by clients, but more difficult to put into practice. The concept is not new; however, has risen in popularity as a result of the development of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) in the early 1990s. Marsha Linehan, theorist and clinician, describes radical acceptance as something that is necessary to solve life problems. To radically accept is to accept the universe as it is, with radical indicating total (not partial) acceptance. To practice radical acceptance is to move past one’s own suffering. It is a means to modify extreme misery into normalised grief/sadness to improve adaptation to reality.

DBT radical acceptance

DBT radical acceptance

I recently attended a workshop, run by the Byron Clinic, facilitated by Marsha Linehan who encouraged the use of metaphors to describe the idea of radical acceptance. She talked about personal experiences where the concept could have been applied to her own life, which she shares in session with her own clients and therapists training in DBT. Other metaphors described were on a spectrum of challenges from day-to-day problems to extreme hardship in life. Some examples to which the concept could be applied to are: losing your dream job due to redundancy, living next-door to constantly disruptive neighbours, and discovering your long-term romantic partner has been “hooking up” with your closest friend.

When people first hear about the idea of radical acceptance they sometimes ask: Am I ready for this? How do I apply this to my life? Am I accepting defeat?

Marsh Linehan describes four options when people are faced with life challenges:

(1) problem solving – you could identify options for changing your current situation;

(2) altering your feelings – by adjusting negatives into positives;

(3) accepting the problem – coming to terms with reality and moving on; and

(4) holding on to suffering – sticking with the anguish.

Importantly, by radically accepting, you are not: letting others get away with what they have done to you or agreeing with the ethics around what has happened to you.  Instead, you are giving up the internal battle in relation to the problem/s you have faced.

For more information on radical acceptance please visit: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance_part_1.html

Sources:

Linehan (1993). Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. The Guilford Press.

 

Girl Stuff – Kaz Cooke

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“The Rough Guide to Girl Stuff” is packed with everything a girl needs to know to get her through the teen years. From friends, body changes, clothes school stress, exercise and sex to smoking, embarrassment, dieting, guys, drinking, drugs and heartbreak. Not to mention how to beat bullies and mean girls, earn money, find new friends and get on with your family. Written by award winning author Kaz Cooke, in extensive consultation with medical, psychological and practical experts; “The Rough Guide to Girl Stuff” provides a wealth of practical tips and non-judgemental advice for teens (and their parents).”Girl Stuff” is split in to four key themes: Body, Head, Heart and On the Go and each chapter includes facts, hints, inspiring lists, hundreds of quotes from real girls, and details of websites and books for useful tips if you want to find out more. Designed to be a friend through the teenage years, “The Rough Guide to Girl Stuff” will be your best friend through every change and challenge. ‘”Girl Stuff” is the book I wanted when I was a teenager; a ‘best friend’ that will honestly answer every question about everything’ – Kaz Cooke.

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Girl Stuff – Kaz Cooke

Real Gorgeous – Kaz Cooke

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A hilarious and empowering book for girls and women who are insecure about their body image.

Take it from Kaz Cooke: “There are millions of gorgeous body shapes. Yours is one of them. Dieting doesn’t work. Your thighs are pretty cute. Exercise should be fun not duty. Cheap cosmetics can be as good as expensive ones. Advertising lies. Plastic surgery sucks. Modeling can be miserable. You can recover from an eating disorder. You can read magazines and watch television critically. You can fight the Body Police.”

At last, here is a book that tells you how to be friends with your body. Real Gorgeous is a big, funny, reassuring read about fashion fibs and diet myths—and the truth about, among other things, push-ups, push-up bras, and the great cellulite scam. It is meticulously researched and sensible, but it avoids impenetrable theory and instead embraces the fun of clothes, makeup, and life in general.

Packed with jokes, Cooke’s own cartoons, and practical ways to find real self-esteem and avoid freak-outs and rip-offs, Real Gorgeous is easy to read, relevant, and an indispensable boost for women aged 11 to 111.

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Real Gorgeous – Kaz Cooke

The Family Guide to Mental Health Care - Lloyd I Sederer

The Family Guide to Mental Health Care – Lloyd I Sederer

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Expert advice from the medical director of the country’s largest state mental health system and the mental health editor ofThe Huffington Post.

More than fifty million people a year are diagnosed with some form of mental illness. It spares no sex, race, age, ethnicity, or income level. And left untreated, mental disorders can devastate our families and communities. Family members and friends are often the first to realize when someone has a problem, but it is hard to know how to help or where to turn. Our mental health “system” can feel like a bewildering and frustrating maze. How can you tell that someone has a mental illness? What are the first and best steps for you to take? Where do you go to find the right care?

The Family Guide to Mental Health Care is the first comprehensive print resource for the millions of people who have loved ones suffering from some kind of mental illness. In this book, families can find the answers to their most urgent questions. What medications are helpful and are some as dangerous as I think? Is there a way to navigate privacy laws so I can discuss my adult daughter’s treatment with her doctor? Is my teenager experiencing typical adolescent distress or an illness? From understanding depression, bipolar illness and anxiety to eating and traumatic disorders, schizophrenia, and much more, readers will learn what to do and how to help.

Real-life scenarios and authoritative information are written in a compassionate, reader-friendly way, including checklists to bring to a doctor’s appointment so you can ask the right questions. For readers who fear they will never see the light at the end of the tunnel, this book gives hope and a path forward.

As one of the nation’s leading voices on quality care in mental health, Dr. Lloyd Sederer has played a singular role in advancing services for those with mental illness. Now, the wealth of his expertise and clear guidance is at your disposal. From the first signs of a problem to sorting through the variety of treatment options, you and your family will be able to walk into a doctor’s office know what to do and what to ask.

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The Family Guide to Mental Health Care – Lloyd I Sederer

Mental Illness: A Handbook for Carers - George Szmukler

Mental Illness: A Handbook for Carers – George Szmukler

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This is an essential resource for all people caring for family members or friends with mental illness. Written by experts, Mental Illness: A Handbook for Carers provides basic information on: * forms of mental illness * treatment plans * what to do in an emergency * the role of mental health professionals and other agencies * legal issues and confidentiality * housing, work and benefits. Mental Illness examines the provision made for people with mental illness and their carers, and the support that is available to them. It includes information on housing, employment, social services and the law. The writers avoid jargon, and the book includes a glossary of terms with which carers may be unfamiliar. Accessible, practical and comprehensive, this handbook acts as a one-stop shop for anyone caring for a person with a mental illness.

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Mental Illness: A Handbook for Carers – George Szmukler

Present Perfect - Pavel G Somov

Present Perfect: A Mindfulness Approach to Letting Go of Perfectionism and the Need for Control – Pavel G Somov

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While there’s no doubt that setting high standards for yourself is a good thing, you’ve probably already noticed that perfectionism can come at a high price. And when you take steps to try to change, it’s easy to beat yourself up and fall into the same traps that keep you feeling stressed and disappointed. This book presents a revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism-a way to transform your need for precision into self-acceptance, compassion, and love for each perfectly imperfect passing moment in our lives. In Present Perfect, you’ll use the Buddhist psychology of mindfulness to learn to accept the present moment in all of its ordinary perfection. This book is filled with over 150 exercises and meditations that you can practice to become more flexible toward yourself and others without losing your love of a job well done. With this compassionate approach, you’ll soon be able not only to accept life as it is, but also become more accepting and forgiving of yourself and others.

This brilliant and practical new book is designed to help alleviate the excess stress and dissatisfaction of perfectionism, one of the main practices of the extremely popular, if unheralded, religion I lovingly call Control Freakism. Pavel Somov gives us numerous helpful awareness exercises, conscious inquiries, insights, mindfulness practices, original perspectives, and penetrating ideas, all conducive to helping us free ourselves from this tyrannical inner demon and experience the radiant reality of things just as they are. Acceptance has its own transformative magic, and I heartily recommend this work to all who want to transform, awaken, and edify.

Lama Surya Das, founder of Dzogchen Meditation Centers and author of Awakening the Buddha Within

Even those of us with a lot of self-help reading under our belts will experience many a-ha moments while immersed in Present Perfect. Somov s approach is highly logical, creative, resourceful, and compassionate. Never once will you feel judged; instead, you ll feel understood. I highly recommend this valuable resource to therapists and anyone with perfectionist tendencies.

Dina Cheney, author of Tasting Club and Williams-Sonoma’sNew Flavors for Salads

Rarely does a work of art like Present Perfect fall upon one’s desk. This book allows us to transform existential pain caused by our need to be perfect. This book is abundant with tools and ideas that equip the reader to resolve guilt, shame, and perfectionism. Once you accept and surrender your perfectionism, the magical paradox of mindfulness as a healer will unfold.

Ronald A. Alexander, Ph.D., executive director of the Open Mind Training Institute and author of Wise Mind, Open Mind

Pavel Somov offers an intelligent, witty, and compassionate critique of perfectionism and makes a compelling case that life is already perfect. I found this book to be thoroughly enjoyable and personally and professionally useful from the first page. I feel as comfortable recommending this book to my colleagues as I do to my patients and am confident that both will find it of tremendous value in their lives. Since perfectionism is often the other side of compulsive and addictive behavior, this book will be relevant to all who seek more moderation and balance in their lives.

Andrew Tatarsky, Ph.D., clinical psychologist in New York City specializing in treating addictive behavior and author of Harm Reduction Psychotherapy.

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Present Perfect: A Mindfulness Approach to Letting Go of Perfectionism and the Need for Control – Pavel G Somov

Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control - Jeannette Dewyze

Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control – Jeannette Dewyze

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For many of us, perfectionism can bring life’s most desired rewards. But when the obsessive need for perfection and control gets in the way of our professional and emotional lives, the cost becomes too high. Although many of us appear cool and confident on the outside, inside we are in emotional turmoil, trying to satisfy everyone, attempting to direct the future, and feeling that we are failing.

In TOO PERFECT, Dr. Allan Mallinger draws on twenty years of research and observations from his private practice to show how perfectionism can sap energy, complicate even the simplest decisions, and take the enjoyment out of life. For workaholics or neat freaks, for anyone who fears change or making mistakes, needs rigid rules, is excessively frugal or obstinate, TOO PERFECT offers revealing self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to help us overcome obsessiveness and reclaim our right to happiness.

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Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control – Jeannette Dewyze   

Overcoming Binge Eating, Second Edition

Overcoming Binge Eating, Second Edition: The Proven Program to Learn Why You Binge and How You Can Stop – Christopher Fairburn

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This trusted bestseller provides all the information needed to understand binge eating and bring it under control, whether you are working with a therapist or on your own. Clear, step-by-step guidelines show you how to:

  • Overcome the urge to binge.
  • Gain control over what and when you eat.
  • Break free of strict dieting and other habits that may contribute to binges.
  • Establish stable, healthy eating patterns.
  • Improve your body image and reduce the risk of relapse.

This fully updated second edition incorporates important advances in the understanding and treatment of eating disorders. It features expanded coverage of body image issues and enhanced strategies for achieving–and maintaining–a transformed relationship with food and your body.

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Overcoming Binge Eating, Second Edition: The Proven Program to Learn Why You Binge and How You Can Stop – Christopher Fairburn

Eating Disorders Time For Change

Eating Disorders: Time For Change: Plans, Strategies, and Worksheets – Mona Villapiano

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This collection for therapists and clients presents practical, how-to information, for the treatment of eating disorders. The authors have kept the needs of the therapist in mind by considering managed care as well as specific therapeutic issues. This resource will maximize the efficient use of time and resources for the therapist and increase the efficacy of work with clients with eating disorders. Clients will find the tools to be helpful resources and a critical extension of individual therapy.

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Eating Disorders: Time For Change: Plans, Strategies, and Worksheets – Mona Villapiano

Get Me Out of Here My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder – Rachel Reiland

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Borderline Personality Disorder. “What the hell was that?” raged Rachel Reiland when she read the diagnosis written in her medical chart. As the 29-year old accountant, wife, and mother of young children would soon discover, it was the diagnosis that finally explained her explosive anger, manipulative behaviors, and self-destructive episodes- including bouts of anorexia, substance abuse, and sexual promiscuity. With astonishing honesty, Reiland’s memoir reveals what mental illness feels like and looks like from the inside, and how healing from such a devastating disease is possible through intensive therapy and the support of loved ones.

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Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder –  Rachel Reiland